


I wish you’d just tell me what you want

by ReedBalloon



Category: Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 03:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11431872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReedBalloon/pseuds/ReedBalloon
Summary: “I don’t want to date you,” Laura repeated, gentler this time.“Is this your idea of dirty talk, because it needs some work.”





	I wish you’d just tell me what you want

It wasn’t Laura’s room, and it wasn’t Laura’s bed, and regret hit her almost as hard as the hangover.

She threw her arm over her eyes to block out the piercing sun. Birds were screaming and the warm morning was too sticky to be pleasant.

She glanced sideways to see dark hair and a bare back. Memories were hazy, but judging by the lack of clothes and scratch marks she could deduce what happened.

Not one for picking up girls in bars, or allowing herself to be picked up, she wasn’t used to being quiet whilst trying to pull her clothes back on and leave.

“If you’re going to sneak out,” came a muffled voice from the bed, “at least do it quietly.”

“Sorry.” Laura didn’t know if she was meant to apologise for the noise or sneaking out, but she was just shushed aggressively and the girl didn’t even turned around.

Laura bundled her jacket and left with an awkward “Bye” that was responded to by a snore.

//

She was late for work, and Lafontaine raised their eyebrows at her as she sunk into her desk opposite theirs. They opened their mouth to speak, but Laura held up her hands.

“Please don’t ask.”

“You’re late.”

“Ten minutes.”

“You’re never late.”

“It’s a morning of firsts.”

Lafontaine studied her, and when Laura looked up they started to grin.

“What?”

“Nothing. Have you seen the emails?”

“No. Why?”

“Papers been brought.”

“What?”

She opened her emails to find a group email reporting that Silas News had been purchased by Morgan Industries.

“They’re huge,” said Laura. “What does this mean?”

“Read the rest of the email.”

The rest outlined that everyone’s jobs were safe, but a new editor was joining and new staff members would be coming in. Silas News had always been small, not the hard hitting journalism that Laura had dreamt about, but still important.

“Are they going to start policing our stories?”

Lafontaine shrugged. They were still smiling and Laura didn’t trust it.

“Did you have a good night?” they asked casually.

“Fine.”

“Uneventful?”

“Pretty much.”

“Nothing you want to share?”

“Not anything that springs to mind.”

“You’ve got like four hickies, Hollis.”

“Fuck.”

//

Lafontaine places the drink down on the table, and Laura took an aggressive swing.

“You look troubled,” they said, sitting opposite her.

Laura rolled her eyes. She didn’t like change, and though the new editor wasn’t terrible, there was a decided shift at the paper. Two days after the announcement, Matska Belmonde had set up her office, proclaimed that the previously implemented open door policy was no longer in play and she would require prior notice for a visit. No one had been fired or replaced, and the new staff were a week away from starting at the paper.

Laura wrote small articles, some puff pieces and some decidedly more important, but she didn’t like the idea of a large corporation owning a paper.

“It just seems odd that they brought it,” she’d argued to an uninterested Lafontaine.

“You have to stop seeing conspiracies everywhere.”

They’d proclaimed they were going to get a drink, and dragged her to a bar after their day was over.

“What’s wrong?” sighed Laf.

“Just thinking.”

“No more paper talk, okay.”

They sounded exhausted, and Laura supposed she had been going on a bit.

“Fine,” she said with a smile. “What do you want to talk about?”

Her attention was shifted from whatever Lafontaine had settled on by a girl at the bar. She had dark hair and was sitting very close to a blonde, and it took a moment for Laura to place her. Then she remembered that same smirk sent her way and those same eyes looking intently at her, flirting that was strong but endearing. She watched as fingers were gently ran along the forearm, getting phantom tingles when she remembered that same move used on her.

She remembered a name. Carmilla. She remembered the night and blushed.

“Laura.” Lafontaine clicked their fingers. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Lafontaine frowned and looking behind them. “Do you know them?”

“No.” Her answer was sharp, and Lafontaine frowned like they didn’t believe her. They were about to say something when their eyebrows raised.

“Shit. It’s Perry.”

“Who?

“She’s Belmonde’s assistant. Didn’t you see her at work?”

Laura hadn’t, and watched as a redhead walked towards Carmilla, sitting on her other side when Carmilla looked away from the blonde and smiled. Words were exchanged between Carmilla and the girl, and she nodded and walked away to join a group Laura supposed were her friends.

Carmilla turned her attention to Perry, but it was different from how she was talking to the girl. Easier, more open, smiling instead of smirking.

“Should we say hi?”

“No.” Another sharp answer was caused Lafontaine to frown. “I mean. We don’t know them. That would be weird.”

A moment of looking between Laura and the bar, and Laf started grinning.

“Is that her?” they hissed, looking delighted. “The girl you picked up?”

“Pretty certain she picked me up.”

“Damn.” Lafontaine looked impressed. “You did well, Hollis.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m assuming you didn’t get her number?”

“I snuck out.”

“Heartbreaker.”

Laura snorted. “She didn’t exactly stop me.”

“What’s she like?”

“Don’t care. Don’t remember.”

“So we shouldn’t go over?”

“If you stand up I will fight you.”

//

Laura made Lafontaine buy drinks from the other end of the bar, well away from where Carmilla and Perry were talking. After an hour Perry left, giving Carmilla’s hand an affectionate squeeze. She hadn’t even left the bar and the blonde was back at her side, whispering something in Carmilla’s ear that made Carmilla nod and take her hand, leading her to the door.

“For someone who doesn’t care you seem to be scowling a lot,” Laf said.

Laura flipped them off and went to buy shots.

//

Carmilla had been unsure why the short journalist seemed angry with her. She knew that many staff at the newspaper weren’t happy with the change, but Mattie had a way of swinging people to her opinion and a work ethic that prompted success.

She was introduced to the company two weeks after the announcement, introduce being a generous word for Mattie pushing her and the other employees into the mass of cubicles and saying “work”, and it seemed like it was going to go smoothly.

Carmilla didn’t understand why her mother had brought Silas News, but wasn’t in the mood for an explanation so didn’t ask. Mattie was told to make the paper a success and Carmilla was told to put that degree in photography to good use, so that’s what they did.

She’d been a little lost to start with, and one of the reporters, Lafontaine they’d introduced themselves as, looked delighted to be able to help. She was then introduced to Laura Hollis, who gave her a filthy look when she offered a handshake and stalked off.

It wasn’t until she was in the photography room that Carmilla realised why she looked so familiar. She spent the day chuckling to herself, trying to seek out Laura Hollis but not succeeding.

She didn’t see her until two days later, knocking on the door to Carmilla’s office and looking annoyed at having to do so.

“Hey,” she said when Carmilla looked up, “Laf asked me to pick up those pictures you took for them.”

“Right. They’re here somewhere.” Carmilla started riffling through the piles on her desk. “Come in. I haven’t seen you since you snuck out on me.”

She glanced up to see Laura blush and then look furious. “I didn’t think you recognised who I was.”

“Placed you eventually.” Laura stepped in but didn’t close the door. “So are you going to apologise?”

“For what?”

“Sneaking out.”

Laura snorted. “You didn’t exactly stop me.”

“No,” Carmilla conceded. “It’s still rude.”

“I’m sure you got over it.” There was level of bitterness that had Carmilla raising her eyebrows.

“Problem?”

“No.”

“It’s not like you were rushing to get my number.”

“I know.”

“So I’m sorry if I didn’t recognise you right away, but we were drunk.”

“Very drunk.”

“So stop making it awkward.”

“I’m not.” Laura watched Carmilla struggle with the piles. “You’ve only been here three days, how are you this messy.”

“Never had an office before,” she admitted.

“Where did you work?”

“Still with Lolita Morgan. She moved a lot of staff here.” Laura made a scoffing noise. “Not happy with the change in leadership, huh?”

“I just don’t get why.”

Carmilla shrugged. “Mother does what she wants.”

Laura furrowed her brow. “So either you call your boss mother, or…”

“She’s my mom,” Carmilla said. Laura made a little knowing noise that she didn’t like. “What?”

“Just makes sense. You and Miss Belmonde. She’s putting family in charge.”

Carmilla narrowed her eyes. “Mattie’s editor because she knows business and she’s good at it. I’m in here because I have a qualification and earned a promotion. Trust me, Lolita’s not sentimental enough to put family above money.” She found the envelope with the pictures and thrust it at Laura. “Here.”

“Carmilla, I-”

Laura sounded guilty but Carmilla wasn’t interested. “Save it.” She gestured for the door, and with a sigh and a nod Laura left.

//

Laura found her in the bar. She took the seat next to Carmilla, who sighed and slid over one of the four shots she’d ordered.

“Perry said you’d be here,” Laura explained. “I looked at your photos. They’re good. Really good. You’re good and I’m sorry.”

Carmilla looked sideways at her, but she looked sincere. “You’re not the only person to think it.”

“It’s just, I don’t like change. And with your mother coming in and getting new people and I’ve been given different kind of articles and…” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Laura smiled with relief. Carmilla downed a shot and gestured for Laura to do the same, replacing it when she did. Laura looked around the bar.

“This is where we met.”

Carmilla chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. I’d never seen you before.”

“My first time.”

She took the shot and Carmilla copied. Laura tried to hide her coughing behind her hand and Carmilla smirked, ordering them both a normal drink.

“Sorry I forgot you,” Carmilla said when their drinks arrived. “But you did sneak out.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Carmilla waved her hand. “We both knew what it was. But it would be best if things weren’t awkward.”

“I can do not awkward.”

Carmilla hummed. “Seems it.”

She watched Laura closely, seeing all the reasons she had been drawn to her last time. Laura looked at her shyly, focusing on her drink, but there was a smile playing on the edges of her mouth.

Carmilla turned towards her and gently touched the inside of her arm. Laura smiled properly this time. “Do you always make that move?”

“Does it work?”

“Yeah.”

Laura looked annoyed to even admit it, and Carmilla’s smirk was wiped when she surged forward to kiss her.

//

“I don’t want to date you.”

Laura sat up quickly, removing her lips from Carmilla’s neck to say what she knows is quite possible a mood killer, but also something that she can’t in good conscience say after.

“What?” Carmilla opened her eyes and looked dazed.

“I don’t want to date you,” Laura repeated, gentler this time.

“Is this your idea of dirty talk, because it needs some work.”

“Carmilla.”

Carmilla smiled and rested her hands on Laura’s thighs. “Okay. I know what this is.”

“I didn’t want to mislead you. I’m just not interested in dating right now.”

“I’m sure my heart will go on.”

Laura scowled playfully pinched Carmilla’s side, making her chuckle. “I’m trying to be serious.”

“I hear you, cupcake. Casual sex is fine for me.”

//

“Stop having casual sex with the journalists.”

Carmilla hadn’t heard Perry walk into her office, and jumped at the sudden declaration.

“Could you maybe close my door before saying shit like that?”

Perry complied, looking angrily at Carmilla. “I just had Mattie requesting that I get you to stop sleeping with Laura Hollis. Do you know how much I don’t want to do this?”

“A lot?”

“A lot.”

“How does Mattie know?”

“Mattie knows everything.”

“Well it’s none of her business.”

Perry sighed. She took a seat before Carmilla’s desk. “Look, she likes Laura.”

“She likes Laura?” Carmilla didn’t believe that for a second.

“Well, no, she thinks she’s annoying and impulsive.” That sounded more like Mattie. “But she thinks she has potential and doesn’t want you, and I’ve been told to quote this, fucking her figuratively as well as literary.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Nice to see her concern is with the company and not me.”

“You can bounce back. Mattie loves the chance to mould people.” Perry softened slightly, and when she spoke again Carmilla understood this was from her and not Mattie. “What exactly is it with you and Laura?”

Carmilla shrugged. After Laura’s unnecessary declaration, they had met up frequently, resolving not to tell their friends, but evidently Perry knew and she was getting frequent smug looks from Lafontaine. “It’s just casual,” she said, “It’s only been a couple of times.” Perry raised an eyebrow. “Okay, a few times. Fine, a score. My point is, no one’s going to get hurt from this.”

“It’s just,” Perry chose her words carefully. “You have a habit.”

“What kind of habit?”

“Do you want names?”

“Laura’s on board. We’re adults. And tell Mattie that next time she wants to poke around in my business she can do it herself and not send you.”

//

She was in a group of friends, and it was Laura’s fault. She had been happy with Perry as her sole friend, not on the lookout for anymore, and then she’d gone over to Laura’s while she’d had people round, and suddenly it was a regular occurrence.

Game or movie nights with Perry, Lafontaine, and two of Laura’s friends had become normal. It would always end with Carmilla staying the night, or at least a portion of it, and Laura had insisted they not tell anyone.

“Laf and Perry know,” Carmilla had argued when Laura explained she expected her to pretend to leave with the rest and return once they split ways.

“Danny and Kirsch don’t, and I’d like to keep it that way.”

Carmilla wanted to tell her she was very sure Danny and Kirsch currently had a bet placed upon them, but was distracted by Laura taking her shirt off.

It was one night, when they’d almost fallen out over Pictionary and Kirsch chose some action film, that Carmilla stayed lying on Laura’s couch while the rest were leaving, her eyes flickering between two photos as she tried to choose which one.

She could sense Laura throwing furtive glances her way, laughing about how Carmilla was going to have to move soon so she could go to bed. She saluted vaguely when bid goodbye by everyone, and smirked a little at Laura’s huff.

“What happened to leaving and then coming back?”

“I’ve been doing it for the last three weeks, it’s raining, and I need to pick which photo to use.” She turned them around to show Laura. “Which one?”

“They’re identical.”

Carmilla scoffed and went back to looking. Laura stayed standing by the door for a minute before moving quickly and climbing on top of her, straddling her and throwing cushions out the way.

“Stop trying to distract me,” Carmilla complained, though her heart wasn’t in it.

“Let me see them again.”

Carmilla turned them. Laura took the time to look at them both before tapping her right hand. “This one.”

“Are you just saying that so I’ll pick one and we can have sex?”

“No,” laughed Laura. “It’s brighter.”

Carmilla hummed in disbelief, but asked Laura to pass her her bag and sat up so she could slip the photos back into her folder. She threw it onto the floor and pulled Laura so she was lying on her.

“Your friends know,” she told her, framing her face and kissing her.

“Our friends.”

“Don’t remind me.” Laura swatted her playfully. “My point is, what they think has nothing to do with this.”

“I know. It’s not that.”

“What is it then?”

“I like not having to answer any questions.”

Carmilla sighed. “Are we going to have to keep pretending that they don’t?”

“Yup.”

“You’re so lucky you’re cute.”

//

There was a shooting at a speech. A lone man, disagreeing with the politician’s views and believing people should die for that, open fired in the hall it was taking place in. There were deaths, and the news of injuries kept flooding in.

Laura listened in horror to the news, and when Lafontaine told her the name of the location her heart stopped and everything suddenly became a little darker.

“Laura?” Lafontaine’s voice was worried and distant.

“Where was it?”

“Bedding Street. Laura!”

Laura turned and ran, the image of Carmilla, still sleepy after a rare night of her staying round, telling her she was covering a speech at Bedding Street that morning and she’d see her in the afternoon.

It was too long to get a taxi, too busy to get the bus, so Laura settled for a sprint.

The site was carnage, police and ambulances spread around and pushing people away. Laura fought her way through the crowd and found the rows of ambulances. She saw Perry first, and her breath finally came rushing back when she saw Carmilla sitting on the back on the ambulance, blood covering half her face and her wrist in a splint, but otherwise looking up at Perry with something akin to amusement.

Laura stopped and let them take a moment. Perry was holding ice to Carmilla’s head, her other hand gentle on her shoulder, and she seemed to be talking, or scolding, but whatever it was was making Carmilla smile.

Someone came over and said something to her, pointing to some police, and Perry sighed. Carmilla nodded, and Perry kissed her carefully on the forehead before walking over to the police.

Laura waited a second, letting Carmilla take a breath and look to the ground, before walking to her.

“Carmilla.”

Carmilla looked up sharply and then winced. The blood on her face was from shards of glass embedded in the skin. Laura felt her fists clench, but forced them to relax. She approached Carmilla slowly, her eyes scanning for any other signs of damage.

“Laura. What are you doing here?”

“I heard… You were here… Are you okay?”

Laura knew she couldn’t cry, had no right to, she wasn’t the one with glass in her face or her arm in a sling or just witnessed someone shoot into a mass of people.

“There was a cabinet. He shot…” She coughed and winced and Laura stepped closer. “He shot and it shattered and I fell and hit my head.”

Laura took the ice that Carmilla now held weakly in her hand. “Where did you hit your head?”

Carmilla moved Laura to the right spot. She brushed Carmilla’s forehead with her thumb. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly.

“It’s just some glass.”

“I mean…”

“I know. I’m okay.”

A paramedic appeared and told them Carmilla would be taken to the hospital. Laura was unwilling to step away, but did.

“Do you need company?” she asked.

“I think Perry…”

On cue, Perry appeared next to them. She looked surprised at seeing Laura. “Oh. I was… But you can…” She gestured to the ambulance, but Laura shook her head.

“It’s okay. You go.”

“Laura.”

“I’ll come see you, though,” Laura said to Carmilla. “Is it okay if I come see you?”

“Of course.”

Laura wanted to kiss her. She wanted to hold her and check that she wasn’t hurt. She wanted the blood to go and for Carmilla to not wince every time she moved. But she didn’t know how to touch her without making it hurt more, so she stepped back as Perry climbed into the ambulance with her, and waved.

//

They were all in her hospital room, Perry with her concern and Laf with their humour, and Danny and Kirsch evidently having a competition on who could bring the biggest fruit basket. They were crowded around her bed, all except Laura who stood next to the door, leaning against the wall, hands in pockets and eyes downcast.

She explained to them that she was fine, that the glass would leave no lasting damage or scars, that she was being kept overnight because of the concussion, that her wrist will heal and she will return to work. In turn they assured her that the man had been caught, would go to prison, that five people had died and many more injured, but they would be there for her while she got better.

Laura stood still, not looking up or at her the entire time, not matter how much Carmilla willed her to.

Eventually Lafontaine clapped their hands together. “Right, guess we better get going,” they said, with a not so subtle head jolt towards Laura.

“But it’s not the end of visiting time…”

“Kirsch, come on.” Danny dragged him from the room, and Perry followed after another forehead kiss that had Carmilla rolling her eyes with affection. Laura went to leave, but Lafontaine whispered something to her and she stayed.

The room was silent, only the beeping of her monitor filling it.

“Are you going to look at me?” said Carmilla.

When Laura dragged her eyes from the floor they were red rimmed. She crossed her arms tightly and looked away.

Carmilla felt a little self-conscious. She was assured no scars, but the bandages can’t have been flattering. “I know I’m a mess, but just remember how hot I usually am.”

“You look beautiful.” Laura still wasn’t moving, but was at least looking at her.

Carmilla scoffed. “Let’s not go that far.” She held out her hand. “Come here.”

Laura pushed herself from the wall and moved slowly, taking Carmilla’s hand and sitting on her bed. Carmilla let her fingers trail along the inside of Laura’s arm, and smiled when she laughed. It was wet, and her eyes were getting redder, and Carmilla really needed her to not cry.

“Hey.” She scratched Laura’s arm lightly so she would look up. “I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“I’m not good with crying.”

“I won’t cry.”

“This will all heal.”

“Did I ever tell you about how my mother died?”

Carmilla paused at the sudden question. “No.” She didn’t even know her mother was dead.

“Drive by shooting. The guys who did it were never caught.” Her grip tightened on Carmilla’s arm, but the tears still didn’t fall. “I was so scared that when I got to you you’d be gone. And there was so much blood and noise and fear, and when I saw you you were hurt.” The tears fell and Carmilla wished she had her other arm so she could wipe them away. “And I know you’re okay, but for a while I didn’t and I was scared.”

Her grip was tight, and Carmilla pulled her forward so that she was lying with her on the bed.

“I’m okay,” she said, kissing her forehead. “It’s okay.”

//

Carmilla shot up in bed, Laura’s bed, and gasped for breath. The tendrils of her dream were still behind her eyelids, so she kept her eyes slammed open, fists clenched in the bed sheets.

“Carmilla.” Laura’s voice was gentle in her ear, her hands gentle as she ran them along Carmilla’s arms.

“I’m okay. Just a dream.”

“You were screaming.”

Carmilla shook Laura off and turned, sitting on the bed with her feet on the ground. Laura hesitated, before gentle touched her back, and Carmilla shivered.

She rarely stayed, wouldn’t have stayed, but she was tired from the hospital, and Laura didn’t seem to be letting her go. They didn’t do anything intimate, Laura instead taking the time to kiss her like she would fade away at some point, before curling up next to her.

“I’m sorry,” Carmilla said. “I’ll go.”

“Stay.”

“I’m alright.”

“Lie back down.”

“Laura.”

“Lie back down.”

Laura ran her fingers along Carmilla’s neck and down her arm, taking her hand again and pulling gently. Carmilla let herself be led, lay on her back and let Laura curl herself around her, getting as on top of her as she could without jostling the arm in a sling.

Laura fell asleep first, her breath even against Carmilla’s neck, and Carmilla followed a little while after.

//

“Guess they were wrong about the scar.”

Carmilla stood in her bathroom, tracing the silvery line that ran from the tip of her ear and down to her jaw line. Laura, still a little unsteady after Carmilla had fully thanked her for her patience while her wrist healed, leant against the bathroom door, looking at Carmilla in the mirror.

“It’s nice.”

Carmilla snorted. “It’s nice?”

“I don’t mean nice as in nice. I just mean, it’s okay.”

“You still think I’m pretty?” Carmilla turned and grinned at her.

Laura just rolled her eyes. The trial was over and the nightmares had slowed down and it seemed like they were going to be okay.

Carmilla turned back and traced the scar, frowning a little, but smiling when Laura kissed her shoulder.

“I still think you’re pretty,” she whispered.

“Good.”

The night was wearing on and Laura had to go into work early, so she said she should leave. Carmilla nodded, giving her a kiss and helping her locate her clothes.

Carmilla never asked her to stay and Laura never offered.

//

Ell was in town. Laura found this out by the gossip flooding around the office, and didn’t understand the big deal until she asked Lafontaine, who told her that Ell used to work for another paper ran by Lolita Morgan, and now ran her own. Evidently her visit, part of an effort to help secure a different level of readership, was a big enough event that it had people talking.

Lafontaine also told her she had been dating Carmilla until two years ago.

“Ell broke her heart, apparently,” Laf had said, “Cheated on her very publically and left her for a swimmer.”

It hadn’t worked out with the swimmer, and Ell had set up residence in another city.

Carmilla didn’t mention Ell, and Laura didn’t get chance to ask as Carmilla was going to great lengths to avoid her while she was in town, citing too much work and the need for rest.

On the fourth day of Ell’s visit Laura ran into her in the copy room.

“Oh,” she said, smiling when she saw Laura already using the copier. “Hi.”

Laura responded with a smile. She was blonde and very pretty and Laura refused to believe the swirling in her stomach at the sight of her was jealousy. Ell looked at the other copier.

“It’s broken,” Laura informed her. “Sorry.”

Ell waved a hand, still smiling pleasantly. “I’ll wait. I’m Ell.”

“Laura.”

Laura definitely didn’t look for a sign of recognition, and definitely wasn’t disappointed when she didn’t see one. Ell was about to speak again but the door opened, and Carmilla froze, looking between them both.

“Hi,” she said warily.

“Hi, Carm.” Ell took a small step towards her, “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you been avoiding me?”

Carmilla laughed awkwardly and rubbed her neck. “No. Just been busy.” She glanced at Laura, who looked away and at the posters she regretted getting so much of. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Are you? I heard about the shooting.”

She sounded sincere, and when Laura looked over at them she looked genuinely concerned.

“I’m fine. It was… I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“How long are you around for?”

“Not much longer. Your mom wanted me to advice on the kind of things Mattie should be including.”

Carmilla snorted. “Bet she loved that.”

“She’s doesn’t seem too happy that I’m here.”

“No,” Carmilla said quietly. Laura kept her eyes firmly on the copier, resisting the urge to look up and check how close to Carmilla Ell had walked.

“Do you want to get a drink?” Ell’s question forced Laura to look up, and she locked eyes with Carmilla once before looking down again.

“Ell, I…”

“Just a drink,” Ell clarified. “Nothing more. We can talk. We never did talk, really.”

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

Carmilla paused and Laura refused to look up despite being sure Carmilla was looking at her. When she answered it was quiet. “No,” she said, “But that’s not it.”

“Just a drink. Please.”

Carmilla sighed. “Yeah, okay, fine. Just a drink.”

“Do you still live in the same apartment?”

“Yeah.”

“Pick you up at seven?”

“Alright.”

“Okay.”

The posters finished and Ell was beaming and Laura didn’t look at Carmilla as she walked out.

//

Drinks with Ell became dinner, and Carmilla allowed herself to admit it was nice. She retained no feelings towards her, not even the hurt and bitterness that had plagued her a long time after they broke up, but Ell had been right when she had they hadn’t talked. They got closure, and Ell left after dropping her back with a kiss on the cheek and a promise that Carmilla would at least make an attempt to exchange emails.

Carmilla was trying to decide if she could be angry with Laura, and settled on being mildly annoyed.

Laura had been the one to set out the boundaries, to ensure she followed them, and yet ignored Carmilla completely.

Whether or not Carmilla wanted things to change she was still unsure about, choosing not to look at it took closely lest it ruin what they had, but she firmly made up her mind that Laura wasn’t allowed to be annoyed.

//

When she found Carmilla the day after in the copy room, Laura felt that stab of annoyance she had been feeling all night. The knowledge she had no right no feel it didn’t help at all.

She may have scoffed, or sighed, because Carmilla turned to her with narrowed eyes and crossed arms.

“Problem?” she demanded.

“No.” Laura lied. “Is it still broken?” She nodded at the second copier.

“Yeah.”

“Great.” Carmilla looked at her, waiting for more. “How was your date?”

“It wasn’t a date.”

“I know you used to date her.”

“I figured you did.”

Laura stood with her arms crossed, not looking at Carmilla. “So what happened?”

“Nothing. We got dinner. We talked. It was fine.”

“Dinner?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Carmilla repeated. “And even if it was, you’re not allowed to act like this.”

Laura glared at her angrily. “Excuse me?”

“You made it very clear we weren’t dating.”

“We’re not.”

“So you can’t punish me for getting dinner with my ex.”

“I’m just surprised, that’s all. She cheated on you.”

Carmilla narrowed her eye. “I know what she did.”

“So you go running back?”

“It wasn’t a date!”

“It doesn’t matter. You said it yourself, you’re not seeing anyone.”

“You set out the rules of this. Of us.”

“And you said you were fine with them.”

“I am. Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

They had sex, first in the copy room and then later at Laura’s apartment. She was drifting off to sleep, arm wrapped around Carmilla, not telling her to leave but assuming she would, when Carmilla spoke quietly.

“I wish you’d just tell me what you want.”

Laura kept her eyes closed and her breathing deep, not stirring even as she felt Carmilla sigh and get up a moment later.

//

“I’ve been offered a job at Ell’s paper.”

Laura froze, her previously relaxed body, wrapped around Carmilla from behind, going tense.

“What?”

Carmilla turned around so they were facing each other. She brushed hair off Laura’s cheek. “I got a call yesterday. They’re looking for a new photographer and they’re offering it to me.”

“Right.”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

Laura recalled Carmilla telling her, not long after their argument over Ell, that she had problems with Laura’s refusal to look at her when things were moving away from the steady pace she had set. She forced herself to look at Carmilla’s eyes and not turn around like she wanted to.

“Is it a good opportunity?”

Carmilla shrugged, a little awkward with lying down and Laura’s arm still around her. “It’s an okay one.”

“If it’s good you should take it.”

“You think I should take it?”

“I think you should do what’s best.”

Still, she forced herself to not look away. Even with Carmilla looking at her with dark, searching eyes, a little confused and even a little sad. They were in Carmilla’s apartment, which meant it was up to Laura whether they spent the morning together, and she still didn’t look away.

“Okay,” said Carmilla, “I’ll think about it.”

“When do you have to decide?”

“Three weeks.”

Laura nodded. She kept her eyes open until Carmilla closed hers, and then pulled her closer so she was tucked beneath her chin. She screwed her eyes closed tightly as Carmilla kissed her forehead.

//

Carmilla’s phone rang from across the room, and Kirsch lobed it to her with a casual “It’s Ell.”

Laura stiffened and Carmilla rolled her eyes. “Thanks Kirsch.”

Perry and Lafontaine looked worried, while Danny just looked confused. Kirsch paid them no mind and continued to watch the movie.

“Why is her ex calling?” asked Danny once Carmilla excused herself to the hallway to answer.

Laura ignored the furtive glances that were being cast her way and focused on the screen.

“She’s been offered a job at her paper,” Perry said.

There was definitely glances being sent Laura’s say but she firmly ignored them. She was aware that their friends knew about them, but found it easier to keep up the pretence that they didn’t.

“Is she going to take it?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“Says the pays a bit better,” contributed Lafontaine, “But she’s part heir to a million dollar company, so that doesn’t really matter to her.”

Laura didn’t know the pay was better, but supposed that was because she hadn’t asked anything about the job since she had been informed a week ago.

“Plus it’s with Ell,” said Perry. “She doesn’t really want that.”

There was hope flaring in Laura’s chest, but was quashed when Lafontaine spoke. “I think she’s considering it though.”

When Carmilla came back in she looked over to the couch, where she had been seated next to Laura, and rolled her eyes when Laura felt petty and wouldn’t move over. She sat down next to Perry, shaking her head at whatever she asked her quietly.

She didn’t even offer to stay that night, and left when the rest did.

//

“I don’t want you to take the job.”

Carmilla jumped when Laura burst into her office, slamming the door behind her. She halted a step away from where Carmilla was standing before her desk.

“Huh,” she said, succinctly.

“I don’t want you to take the job. And it’s selfish and unreasonable, but I don’t. Because I’ll miss you. We’ll all miss you, but I’ll miss you. So I don’t want you to go, and if you decide to go I’ll be really supportive, but I just want you to know that I don’t want you to.”

“Laura.”

“I’m not finished.

“Okay then.”

“I don’t like to face up to things. And I don’t like the part of me that is wanting to put my own needs before yours, because your needs are one of the most important things to me. You’re one of the most important things to me. And if you need to go that’s okay.”

“Laura.”

“I’m still talking.”

“Alright.”

“So take the job if you have to. And I will be supportive, and your friend, but I will miss you. So, so much.”

“I said no to the job.”

“What?”

“It wasn’t worth it. I like it here.”

“Oh.” Laura swung back on her heels, a little embarrassed at her speech. “You’re staying?”

“Yeah.”

Laura lunged forward pulled her in and hugged her, smiling broadly into her neck. “Good.”

Carmilla returned the embrace and chuckled.

//

They won at Pictionary, and Laura fell onto Carmilla’s lap and kissed her.

Lafontaine wolf whistled, Kirsch handed over a twenty to a smug Danny, and Carmilla pulled back, a little dazed and confused but smiling.

“I thought we didn’t do that, cupcake,” she smirked, wrapping her arms around Laura’s waist.

Laura shrugged. “Thought we could try something new. If you didn’t mind.”

Carmilla grinned and kissed her, not stopping until they were pelted with popcorn and a cushion.

//

“I want you.”

Carmilla was almost asleep, for once not having to concern herself over whether she should leave or not. Laura kissed her shoulder, her scar, and the edges of the smile that curled her mouth.

“What?” she said, not awake enough to open her eyes.

“You said a while ago that you wished I would tell you what I wanted,” Laura whispered into her ear. “I want you.”

“You’ve always had me.”

Laura rolled over so she could press her face into Carmilla’s neck and grinned.

 


End file.
